American Mugu

We were in my sitting room watching a Nollywood movie. The storyline was that of two men who were trying to con a young girl whom they assumed was from a rich family. The plot was silly and funny at the same time. I was amused at what men will do to sleep with a girl including telling obvious lies. Wobioluwamitito, whom we call Tito because her name was rather long and jaw breaking for the non-Yoruba speaking people; kept on smiling to herself as we continued watching the movie. Sometimes, she would chuckle loud which was distracting and annoying. Although, I was more curious as to why she was so amused I didn’t ask her. The movie finished and we sat back to discuss it as the credit rolled.

"That was a silly movie" I said as a way of conversation.

"Not silly, it happens in real life" Tito replied

"Why would the guy die at the end of it? Nigerian movie directors like to kill their actors. I wonder who will be left on earth if that's how we all die at every slight opportunity" I said not impressed.

"It’s true." Esther said. "I am not so much of a fan of Nigerian movies joo!"

"You are not a fan of anything Nigerian. That's why you were almost duped by that fake Americanna" I said laughing at Esther

"That one don craze. Me sef I show am now" Esther replied laughing.

"All these bobos are mugu. I tell you" Tito said shaking her head. "In fact this movie reminded me of one mugu who started harassing me on Facebook.”

"Really!" I said.

"Ha see me o! This guy requested for my friendship. As I am very careful of who I sign on, I went to check the friend list and I saw that we shared a lot of friends in common so I decided to sign him on." Tito narrated.

"That was a mistake o!" I cut in.

"Are you telling me? It was the biggest mistake of my life. This guy was smooth. He started passing comments on all my posts and liking all my pictures. One day he sent me a mail commenting on my name. He was always so familiar that I would have sworn that I knew him. He asked for the meaning which I told him."

“That's not strange, please! People always want to know the meaning of your name." Esther said. "It was your name that got me attracted to you in Uni now remember?"

“Yes I know and that was why I gave him audience. Anyway, one day, we chatted on Facebook about issues going on in Nigeria that was when he told me he lived in America. Shortly after, he started mailing me regularly. Sometimes, I responded but most times, I ignored him. About the time of my birthday, he said he wanted to get me a gift. He kept on pestering me on what I wanted but I just felt that he could get anything without making a big fuss out of it” Tito said.

“So, don’t tell me you turned down the offer? Ore, wetin dey do you now?” Esther inquired

“Why don’t you just exercise patience and let her finish this story.” I answered Esther getting mildly irritated by her interruption.

“Anyway, after much persuasion on his side, he decided to send money to me to buy either a Samsung galaxy, a watch, or an Ipad.” Tito continued.

“Ore, you have collected awufu. Where is the money?” Esther interrupted again.

“Wait now, he sent fifty thousand naira. Of course, since all the items he suggested was far more expensive than what he sent, I bought myself a BB.” Tito explained.

“Yuck!” Esther said squeezing her face into an ugly shape.

“Well I needed another BB at that time and I still had change to do some other things that needed to be taking care of.” Tito replied defensively. “But you know, he now had access to my phone number. He would call endlessly that I began to think that the guy must have issues.”

“Isn’t that a sign that he cared?” I asked.

Esther snickered “Ose has come with this her mushy-mushy emotional stuff o!” she mocked

“No, I don’t think so. Anyway, I didn’t see it that way because I was irritated by it.”

“Irritated? That sounded more like devotion to me.” I said ignoring the horrible look Esther shot my way.

“The guy is overbearing and boastful. He said he was going to buy clothes for me and I wondered what the cheek! Someone I don’t even now”.

“He has no class. But you can’t blame him that’s what most guys use in luring young girls into a clandestine relationship.” Ose said knowingly.

“He told me his whole family lived in Canada and America. Only for him to gist me about his immediate elder sister who was living in his village somewhere in Ekiti.” Tito said.

“Just trying to impress you now.” Esther said chuckling to herself.

“Why didn’t you ask him why the sister was living in Nigeria now? Ok, maybe because she is married to a local.” Esther said as we all burst into laughter.

“The man can boast! He told me he wanted to buy a house in Ikoyi that I should find out the cost when I complained about my area of Lagos.”

“Oh! Na wa for you o! But Tito, you are a slacker. You could have turned him into a maga and collect all the stuff he was trying to shove down your throat.” Esther laughed clapping her hands the way she does anytime she is excited.

“Ore, I was just amused by it all. All the lies. How he has properties at the Caribbean and that’s where he would love to take me on a vacation.”

“Oh yeah! Which one Barbados?” I asked as we all laughed with tears rolling down our eyes. I held on to my side because I didn’t know such people still existed. Telling unintelligent lies.

“Look at you guys, he sent me website of universities I can go there o!” Tito said as we all burst out laughing again.

“You tell am you want to go school?” Esther asked almost choking on her laughter.

"He even said he would set me up in business, give me a car and a driver." Tito said sighing. 

"Hey! How you go turn down such a juicy offer!" Esther exclaimed holding her head. 

“One day, I tried to find out about his family but he was non-committal so I left him but that was an indication that he was married. After a while, he would only call at odd hours and very infrequent. One day, he explained that he was very busy with his tax returns. So I asked in January? He said he liked to start early and this may take him till April before he would be less busy but I see his comments on Facebook all the time. After a while, I got fed up of all his lies and just ignored his messages and calls.” Tito said.

“You could have being more patience with him maybe he was truly serious about these tax returns thing.” I said chuckling.

“Is he running a conglomerate? He is a community nurse for goodness sake and that’s if he is what he claims he is and not doing bootlegging.” Tito said sniggering

“Ha! You have serious badbelly for this guy o!” I said.

“I do! I don’t like anybody taking me for a fool” Tito replied.

“But seriously, it pained me that you didn’t collect the trailer load of stuff that he was going to send from America. At least you will give me some thing now.” Esther said pretending to be upset.

"Even the car and the driver! By now we would have being doing madam Tito!" I replied mocking her

“You are not both serious." Tito responded laughing.

"But seriously, that’s how women fall prey you know. I have heard stories of some ladies who were duped of their personal belongings.” I answered.

“Those girls are crazy. How can you take any guy you meet on Facebook serious? Most of them are looking for who to devour especially single matured ladies.” Tito answered.

“God saved you o Tito!” Esther said.

"How now? How you see me so? I resemble mumu? He is the American Mugu now." Tito replied laughing.

Image is courtesy of Google Image