Wednesday, 28 December 2011

Delay Is Not Denial

It caught my attention on my way to work. That morning, I was deeply in thought about my sister, Abebi’s visa denial and how much my siblings and I have put into seeing her go to university abroad and the shock of the response to her application-Denied! I was sad and confused. I had no clue as to what to do next as she didn’t apply for JAMB.

I felt a nudge and I looked up. Nothing spectacular was going on. I was about looking away and pondering on the situation at hand when I saw the truck.’ Inscribed on it was “Delay is not a denial!” Initially, I thought, “what nonsense!” Then it was clear. The Holy Spirit has given me a message here. I looked at the truck as it snaked away and I felt a new hope. My faith was renewed. I felt rejuvenated and light hearted. I quickly sent an email to my siblings informing them of my experience. We were energised and set out to sort out the problems. A week later she was given the visa.

This happened some years back. As I thought of what to write as the year draws to an end, I saw the jotter where I wrote this encounter and I felt this is just apt to round up the year. Often time, we have expectations, want or needs that we take to God in prayers. However, for whatever reason, we do not receive from God at the time, we probably believe that God is wicked, unforgiving, selfish etc. Sometimes, we become sad, almost giving up hope.

The first assurance is that God is loving. He loves us so much that He will not give us what will harm us. Again, we may not be ripe emotionally, spiritually or matured enough to receive whatever it is without getting carried away. Above all, God wants His name to be glorified in all our situations and so, sometimes the delay. When we are over dependent on our strength, intellect, capabilities, friends, families or connections, we may also suffer from delays.

Are there things you have asked God for this year and haven’t been met, be assured that whatever it is, it’s not a denial but just a delay. At His time, God will make all things beautiful. One thing I am sure of is that God will all always be faithful to His words.

Happy 2012! Shalom

Friday, 23 December 2011


I came back from my meeting feeling very frustrated and stressed. It was a four hour meeting and by all ramifications successful and promising but for whatever reason I was irritable and I could not understand what made me so. My carpenter decided to upset me the more by not repairing the broken down bed and I was expecting visitors. I was so upset with his “I can’t be bothered gesture” when I finally got through to him on phone. I was so angry that I almost choked on saliva while screaming down the phone at him. I was livid and confused as to what to do considering that my guests were arriving in less that the next morning. This was 6pm and I wonder where I could get another carpenter at that hour. I had being pondering on this and wondering how all the money I withdrew from my account that morning, developed wings. I tried to renegotiate with my cab driver to see what discount I could get off him but he became almost insulting. I was surprised because this man had an accommodating spirit and I could not fathom where the aggression came from. I stood there my mouth agape while he continued in his unusual outburst. I quickly gave him what I had while wondering why I deserved such an insult. He collected his money and told me I wouldn’t understand the amount of pressure he was under. I apologised to him because I tried to put myself in his position but I just couldn’t as I had paid him 15k within two days. I felt he should be appreciative but he made me understand he could have earned far more if he had taken some other client out. I looked at him as he drove off and I shook my head wondering what I would do to overcome my phobia for driving. The cost of transportation was eating too deep into my income that I sometimes feel-unjustified, maybe,  that I was working for my cab driver  

I slowly climbed the staircase to my apartment, sat on the sofa  angry,  confused and upset. I picked my phone to call just one person I would call whenever I feel as if the world was crashing on my head. Sometimes, just hearing his voice is like a soothing balm to my wounded spirit.

“hello” I said
“hello Ose, I can’t talk now but I will call you back” he said

This further threw me into despondence. Why are people never available when you want to talk? I thought to myself. I threw my phone on the sofa, curled on the sofa indulging in self-pity. I was too sad to call my security to switch on the generator. I laid there with all sorts of thought running through my head. I felt like that song “I have got cookies running around my head” I couldn’t just get myself to unwind. Then my phone rang. I looked at it grumbling to myself that I was in no mood to talk to anyone. But it was my soul mate so I picked the call

“Hi” I said
“What’s wrong? You sound down. This is Christmas the season of celebration.” My soul mate said
“That’s just the problem. I am not in any mood for celebration. I am tired, frustrated and stressed out” I complained
“Ha! My friend, you have what is called Holiday blues. You will be okay. Don’t worry.”  He assured me
Holiday blues?” I asked. I have heard the terminology before but I thought it was something that applied to those living abroad. I never thought I could experience such. I decided to check what holiday blues is all about and what the symptoms are. These are
·  Depressed mood
·  Decreased interest in life activities normally enjoyed such as social gatherings, shopping, cooking, hobbies
·  Feeling overwhelmed
·  Irritability
·  Fatigue, feeling drained physically and emotionally
·  Sleep or appetite disturbances
·  Anxiety, feeling nervous, edgy or "keyed up"
·  Excessive guilt

I looked at the symptoms and I knew my soul mate was right. I have always wondered why there is  so much pressure for just a day’s celebration. I can’t understand why prices will go up three times the normal rate because it is Christmas. While people would want to seize the opportunity of the season to defraud and take advantage of others just to make extra money for Christmas. There is always so much pressure just for a day’s celebration.  I just can’t get it. What are we celebrating really? What is the reason for the season? Haven’t we shifted our focus from the real reason?