Is Marriage to be Endured

It was another long weekend because of the public holiday declared by the Federal Government. Though I had mixed feelings concerning the holiday but I planned to make the best use of it by lazing around and watching as many movies as I could. I had borrowed some Perry Tyler’s movies from a girlfriend. As I settled on my sofa to watch one of the movies, my door bell rang. I reluctantly got up from the sofa to check who it was. I opened the door for my neighbour, Edith. “How are you?” I greeted her as I opened the door for her. “I am fine. What are you up to? She asked as she sat down. ”I am about watching a movie.” I replied her as I pressed play on the remote control. “What’s the title of the movie” She asked making herself comfortable. “It is ‘Diary of a Mad Black Woman’ It is a .Perry Tyler’s movie” I replied as I settled back on the sofa. We were both engrossed in the movie. Though we laughed as we watched it but it was a story line that we could both relate to. We were quiet as the movie came to an end.

 “What an interesting story? I wonder why any man would treat his wife like that. To think he now expected the same woman to come back to him just because she took care of him and didn’t leave him to the dead” Edith said analyzing the movie we just watched.

“Men can sometimes be assuming. Can you imagining? She tried o! That, wife tried!” I replied.

“Well, that’s what a good woman should do.” Edith said

“Why?” I asked angrily. “Why should it always be the woman who has to be understanding or good?” I questioned sharply. I didn’t mean to be sharp with her but I am just tired of the over expectation from women.

“Well, I just …..” I cut in as she started to reply me. “I am sure you would have wanted her to go back to her ex husband

“Well, God hates divorce” She replied

“That’s the usual line. God hates wickedness, adultery and any form of meanness” I answered her. I was already getting irritable with her. I wonder why women love to play ostrich.

“I know but sometimes, we may have to turn a blind eye to some of these things that is if one wants to keep her home” she answered imploringly.

“Please” I said rolling my eyes.  

I laid back on the sofa thinking. I believe marriage should be enjoyed and not endured. A lot of women are stuck in a loveless marriage simply because the society expects them to endure it no matter what they may be going through. The woman is often told not to abandon her home because she is the one that is responsible to make the marriage a success. A friend was once advised to be like a shock absorber for her home. The gentleman offering this counsel forgot that even shock absorber wears out and sometimes needs a replacement. In Nigeria, a woman is often blamed for whatever goes wrong in her marriage or even a relationship. She is often admonished to be patient and not allow another woman to replace her. She may be ostracised if she decides to walk out of a loveless marriage.

Meanwhile, the man is made to believe that he can do and undo; the lord and master of the woman. Unfortunately, it is equally the woman who has created the monster who has become the bane of our lives. The woman has being informed right from childhood that she has being created to serve the men folk and often reminded at every given opportunity that the man is her covering, her crown and without this covering; she will not amount to much. However, what kind of covering is a man who cannot meet the needs of his family? What kind of covering is an adulterous and lecherous husband giving his wife except that of a venereal disease?

I was once told of a woman who caught her husband in bed with her housemaid. She ran to her mother for succour and she was promptly bundled back to her husband with the clear instruction to go and sleep with her husband because according to her mother, “she must have failed in her marital duties” When the case got to her mother-in-law, the poor wife was advised to carry her cross since the lecherous behaviour was hereditary. Her father-in-law behaved like that and so she had to live with it since her mother-in-law was able to manage the situation and at the age of 70years the mother-in-law could not hire a housemaid because of the fear that her husband may harass the poor maid.

What should a woman do in this kind of situation? Follow her mother’s advice and simply go and have sex with her husband? Would that make her a happy and fulfilled wife? Would that change the husband and make him more responsible, respectful and less adulterous? Does it mean that the fact that the man defiled the matrimonial bed should be overlooked and he should be trusted?  As much as I don’t believe that the solution to every marital problem is divorce I equally do not subscribe to the fact that a man is simply excused of his bad behaviour and shrugged off as part of being a man. Imagine if a woman was caught in the act? Will the mother advise the son to manage her because it is hereditary and should go home and have sizzling sex with his wife because he failed in his husbandly duties? Oh no! The woman becomes the scorn of the society just because it is expected that she is better behaved than her husband. What about what is good for the goose is equally go for the……