We may go through midlife crisis at one time of our lives. These crises normally occur when approaching 40years or in the mid 40s. Some of the symptoms of midlife crises as highlighted in some of the searches I did on the web indicated the following:
- No longer knowing the person staring at you in the mirror
- Worrying about where your life is going
- Feeling frustrated with just about everything
- Experiencing feelings of regret
- Focussing on what you are losing
- Feeling almost invisible
- Thinking the time is running out
- Questioning the meaning of life
- Feeling trapped
- Wanting to make some changes and not knowing where to start
But I often wonder if the symptoms highlighted above are actually a midlife crises situation or just a time for a desperate change. I recall, when in my 30s I felt all these symptoms and some more so I made some drastic changes in my life. I had being unhappy with both my work and my marriage and I took a decision to make some changes. I left my work not really knowing what I wanted to do and then I had to walk out of marriage because I felt I needed to be happy-something I wasn’t experiencing. I reviewed my life and I knew that it was time to do something about the situation I was being faced with. I didn’t know what I wanted but I sure knew what I didn’t want. Friends and families tried dissuading me believing that I had lost my mind. “How could you walk out of your job after investing eleven years of your life?” This was the question I was bombarded with. “Whatever the case, play the office politics and it will be well with you.” This was the advised I was given by well meaning friends. However, apart from not being happy working at the place any longer, I had reached a point of burnt out and I just needed a change. I also wanted to invest time in my marriage- thought I could make things work out but I soon realised that the marriage was already dead and there was nothing to work on again. Both parties were no longer keen in seeing it work. I was no longer interested in pretences. But people thought I was mad. Some felt I was going through a major premenopausal syndrome but I just wanted to be happy and be fulfilled something I wasn’t getting. I had gone through a lot of challenges in my life and at that point, I felt I deserved to be happy. So I effected the changes and I am happier for it.
Today, I celebrate my birthday and as it is usually the case with me, I spend time reviewing my life than celebrating the day though I love birthdays but I believe I should spend time to think of how far and well I have faired in my life. Assessing the past seven years of my life; especially the last one year, I realised I am due for another change. Maybe, I am going through another stage of midlife crises, but nothing as drastic as I did in my 30s. I lost a dear uncle and my cousin in quick succession and these incidents have got me thinking again. I have asked myself often after these two incidents, what is it about life that we tend to hang on too tenaciously. No one knows when death will come calling so why don’t we just live life to its fullest and live each day as if it is the last? A lot of us worry so much about what we have no control over. We place premium on material things and have ignored to spend time with our loved ones. Selfishness and self centeredness has become the order of the day. No wonder the family system is collapsing and fast too.
As I celebrate my birthday, I have made the decision to live my life a day at a time as if it is the last for me. Going forward, I am handing everything over to God. I love the freedom of the bird. They can fly anywhere and everywhere without worrying. I have decided to be like the bird. I will spread my wings and fly. I will fly without inhibitions and fears. I will fly to accomplish the best and attain the greatest height I can reach. There are things I have planned to do and for whatever reason, I have not been able to achieve these things. I am going to spend quality time striving to achieve these things. I will try to be more patient and tolerant in my dealings with people. Finally, I will love as I have never loved before. I have guided my heart jealously over the years not wanting to take the risk of being hurt but from now on I am going to let go and love as I never did. I will worry less about being taking for granted, enjoy my relationship with my loved ones and above all improve my relationship with my creator. So help me God.
So I begin to fly...
Tweeting of the Bird
If I have a wing like a dove
I will fly, fly away….
So the song goes
But I don’t have to have wings like a dove
I can develop my wings
And fly away without fears
I can fly and be who I want to be
I can fly with the freedom of a bird
Carefree, no worries, no fears
I can fly over the mountains and the hills
I can spread my wings
As wide as I want it to be
I can fly alone with the peace that comes with solitude
Or with companions and enjoy the joy of being with others
I can build my nests wherever I want to
Or perch on the window pane
Chirping love songs to my loved ones
Tweeting to the beautiful day
The day the Lord has created
I can love as I never loved before
Free of fears and inhibitions
Giving all to the one who deserves it