Living My Life Again

“Tomi” I called hesitantly, she turned to look at me. We were in one of the popular eateries in Lagos. We had gone shopping and was exhausted both physically and financially. We had spent so much more than what we budgeted for and I just knew that I would regret it the following day. We decided to crown our effort by having lunch. Actually, I had ulterior motives, I had wanted to talk to my friend about her relationship and I just didn’t know how to brooch the subject. Moreover, she has avoided talking about her boyfriend.

 “What are your plans for this year?” I asked. “I mean you and Mr O.”

Tomi kept quiet for a while. I wondered what she was thinking about or maybe she would not say anything as usual. Tomi had been dating Mr O as we call him for three years now.  Nobody has met him and we her friends are beginning to think maybe he was an imaginary boyfriend coined by our friend in order to keep us off her back. We were rather protective of her because she had suffered a lot. Her fiancé had died a week before their marriage and that had made her shut down emotionally but that was several years ago. We were very happy when she told us about this man that we have never met. Initially she was very excited about the relationship. She looked radiant and beautiful and was very full of life. This lasted for one year. She had since become very pensive and withdrawn again and I worry about her.

I waited patiently for her response. She played with her fork for a while. Making circles on her plate. She seemed far off and I wonder if I have not over run my mouth again.

“Ose,” she said.” I have decided to live.” She smiled and her eyes shone. “I have decided to live my life to the fullest. I have been afraid for too long. Afraid to live life but now, I am going to live. I will travel, go out on dates and enjoy my life. If I find love I will embrace it but if I don’t, so be it.” She said happily.

I looked at her curiously. I wasn’t satisfied by her answer because that was not what I expected. Tomi held my hands in her palms.

“I am going to be fifty in a year. I have mourned Ola. I have laid his ghost to rest and I think it is time for me to live again. It has taken me years to get to this point but I thank God that I finally did.” She said smiling.

“What about Mr O.” I asked tentatively. She looked at me and smiled again. “Mr O is there. But Mr O has developed cold feet. He has commitment phobia” She replied shaking her head.

“Have you guys broken up?” I asked now confused.

 “No we have not. He is my friend and will remain so as long as he wants.”

“But…” I said interrupting her.

“Hear me out. She said putting her fore finger on my lips. He has a choice. He can either get his act together or the relationship will frizzle out but for me, I am going to go on dates again. Go to the cinema, travel to all those places I have always wanted to go; do all those things I have always wanted to do. I am going to cast my net wide, in the deep ocean as far as I can. I am going to spread my wings. I am going to live again.” She replied giggling.

Then she laughed. She laughed long and loud. The laugh was very infectious. I joined her laughing loud too not mindful of the people around us.  Then I knew my friend is finally healed. 

Shopping for a husband

It was a very hot afternoon. The heat was too much and as usual NEPA had struck again. I was restless so I decided to pay a friend a visit.  My friend, Ronke's house was just a walking distance from mine. Walking in the scrounging sun, I arrived at her house all sweaty. Ronke opened the door for me. "Hi, Ose! How now?" "I am fine" I responded walking into the sitting room. I sat down and as I expected her house was cool as she had her generator on. "Men! this weather is killing" I said. "Hmm Yes o!" Ronke said distracted. She was a bit distracted as she kept on responding to the messages on her phone. I sat there watching the TV. I had started dozing off in front of the TV when she tapped me. "I am very sorry" she said smiling sheepishly. "I can see you are very busy." I replied. "Not so busy except that I joined this dating platform on the internet and since then I have had hordes of suitors." she explained. "Dating site? I asked surprised. I didn't know Nigerians visit the dating site. "Yes o!" she replied excitedly." My friend introduced me to it and I have met a lot of interesting men" Ronke explained. "Please pardon my ignorance but aren't these sites dangerous?" I asked." No, Its actually interesting. I meet all sorts of men there but some of them can be crazy. Like the guy who sent his naked picture to me. I was embarrassed and quickly blocked him. But most guys I have met are very decent." " But why a dating site?" I asked "I can't trust anybody I meet through such a platform" I said. "Ok Ose wetin man go do?" She asked. "See I am in my forties and never been married. All the men I have met are not serious but with this, it is like casting my net wide." She explained. "But you don't know them. What if they are psycho?" I asked worried. "Oh girl, there are a lot of psycho out there. I beg. All I know is that I must marry this year and I have gone out shopping for a husband. "

"How many of these guys have shown interest and how do you begin to know the serious ones?" I asked still pondering. She left where she was and sat beside me. "Look at this one, he is extremely quiet". "After our initial contact, I have had to do all the calling and maintaining contacts". I am beginning to wonder why he contacted me anyway. It is like he developed cold feet. Look at this "flipping to another picture," he is actually very nice. Always chatty but there is something not right about him. He is too quick to talk about his wealth and I wonder if he has as much as he claims. This is the main person I am interested in." She said showing me his picture and profile. "He is very attentive and caring. We have gone to the extent of arranging to meet each other." She explained.

Now I wonder what if the guy is not who she thinks he is. What if he's a psycho and probably worst than any of the guys that she has rejected? Well she has to take a risk but is it worth the risk?

Ose @ the verandah: My Father, My Hero!

Ose @ the verandah: My Father, My Hero!: It was just dawn and the early visitors had started arriving. This was the case anytime  my father was around in Akure from   Lagos   where...

My Father, My Hero!

It was just dawn and the early visitors had started arriving. This was the case anytime  my father was around in Akure from Lagos where he served as a member of parliament. He was in the House of Representatives. Members of his constituents, family members and associates visited at this time of the day because it was the best time he would be met at home.

The house was already a beehive of activities, though it was slightly dark outside. It was a cold and wet morning as it had drizzled a bit during the night. It was a day that one would have loved to stay in late bed yet visitors defiled that to arrive early to see my father.

The visitors were seated in the living room, discussing about the election that took place the previous week and the sporadic violence that happened over the weekend. This discussion went on while the radio was turned to the local radio station. Everyone wanted to know the result of the Governorship election.  We the children were busy serving guests who came in that morning. This was a tradition in my house; everyone who visited must be fed unless such a visitor declined. Though it seemed like a normal day, but there was a feeling of uneasiness in the air. My father asked one of the aides to buy newspapers as the regular vendor had not turned up that morning. Daddy loved to read his papers first thing in the morning. 

One of my father's aides ran in panting. Everyone gathered around him to find out what the situation was. "Riots had broken out". He said. "I had to run as fast as I could to warn you about the impending danger oga". The man said. My father picked the phone and called the commissioner of police. He dropped the phone after a while and murmured “I have been betrayed". My mum looked at him anxiously "Olaiya, what is it?" Before he could answer her, we heard a lot of commotion outside. We ran to the veranda to see what the problem was all about.  Suddenly, someone shouted "the house is on fire". We all ran out of the house to the street. My father told us to run for our dear lives. We started to obey him when we realised that he was not going to try and escape with us. My sister and I ran back to him. We held his hand and tried to pull him to follow us. He refused but held my sister and I and told us to run to safety. "I can't come with you. I am sorry I can't leave my friends and associate. Their lives are in danger and I can't leave them" he said as he pushed us gently to go. My mother knelt beside him and pleaded with him but he refused. "M. E." he said as he fondly called my mother, "take the children to safety. I can't leave now. I can't leave these people to die for me. I can't." My mother held his legs and begged him crying. "Please Olaiya, come with us. Please." He looked at her and gently removed her hand. "Look at Baba" he said, referring to his elder brother who was one of the early visitors to the house. "I can't leave him; I can't leave the other fellows too. They are equally in danger" he said. "I will escape if I can but I can't let these people to die. I will never be at peace". He turned to my sister and I, "run, run to safety" he said in a stern voice. I wanted to say something to him but I knew it was useless trying to convince him because he wouldn't burg.  I looked at him imploringly but he shook his head. He mouthed to us to go. I pulled my sister. I turned around to look at him for the last time. He adjusted his glasses with his index finger, one of his habits. He stood tall, holding a stick. Our eyes locked. He looked away and I ran for dear life    

A very long period of silence

Iwa ju ni oloko yi wa mi lo, eyin ko ni oloko yi wa mi lo, mi omo. Meaning: I don't know which direction the driver is taking me. This song was sang in the 70s by King Sunny Ade -a popular Nigerian musician. As a child, I danced to the beat while the deeper meaning of the song was lost on me. But as an adult, I have often pondered at his reasons for writing the song.

Sometimes, we go through  this period where we simply don't know which direction we are heading to; where everything seem like a blur.  I have had my share of this experience in the last one year or so. In the last one year, I felt like someone caught up in a storm or whirlwind. I felt like a rudderless ship. I didn't know which direction I was heading to. I struggled through this period trying to find stability in the whirlwind of life. In the process, I gave up on some things. There was little or no inspiration to do anything. I was living a day at a time as if it was the last.

One of the thing I gave up on was writing this blog. Friends and other readers have asked why I stopped writing. I had no explanation except a wary smile and some flimsy excuses. However, I have being encouraged from the numerous comments from visitors to my blog. These comments never cease to amaze me. My readers seem to have more faith in my ability than I do. I appreciate every visitor  to this blog and all my readers. However, Funke (one of my readers), was one of those who inspired me to get back on track. She called to ask me why I had not being writing my blog and shared how I inspired and impacted her through my blog. (Here I was feeling that I had no impact on my reader), I was surprised and at the same time excited by her phone call. I was highly criticized and chastised by a friend for posting the particular story that inspired Funke. I was advised to delete or  re-write the story without barring it all. This was the same story that inspired her to take a decision she had being reluctant to take for a while. Thanks Funke for sharing your experience and inspiring  me to continue writing.

Another person worthy of note is my friend and brother, Seun. He got me thinking. I read some of the deeply and sincerely expressed write-up on his friends. I was deeply moved and jealous (you know how you want to be the only special person in a dear friend's life). I expressed my wish for him to express his feelings about me. He wrote me the most beautiful and sincere message a friend can write. Seun, thank you for giving  me my roses while still alive for your words inspired and encouraged me. It lifted the burden of despair.

I am back for the storm is over. There is now rainbow after the storm. I apologise to my readers for leaving them in the lurch. Watch out for more inspiring stories on this blog.

Thank you and God bless
Diva Ose

Even Men Hurt 2-Never Good Enough

I looked down examining my toes. I had being looking at my toe nails since Toye started telling me about his experience with my friend. I was too embarrassed to look him straight in the face. I knew things were not okay between Toye and Oyinda but I never knew that it was this bad.

I have known Toye and Oyinda for over twenty years now. Toye, I can describe as easy going and hard working, upwardly mobile. He is someone I will portray as loving life and good things despite his easy demeanour. I met Oyinda through a friend of mine and we hit it off. Oyinda is very creative and talented. I admire her for her various talents especially her entrepreneurial skills. She is smart, good looking and always seems to know what she wants out of life. Oyinda and Toye met about the same time I became friendly with Oyinda and despite all doubts and misgivings, they got married. 

Fifteen years of  matrimony with two boys, the marriage is threatened. My friend, Oyinda has moved back to her parents’ house despite all pleading for patience, she is adamant. For some reasons I couldn’t believe that her husband was as culpable as she would want me to believe. She did not give any concrete reason for this quarrel which led to moving  out of her matrimonial home except that Toye was not good enough. I am aware that they have being having on going issues but I strongly believe that it did not warrant the steps she had taking.

Yoruba speaking people have a proverb that only a wicked person would judge from hearing one side of a story.. That’s just the case here. I sat still counting my toes as Toye narrated his experience.

“I hurt and I don’t believe I deserve what Oyin has done. I have done everything to satisfy her. I rented an office for her and paid three years rent in advance but she didn’t step into that office until six months ago when the rent was about to expire. Her anger is based on the fact that I refused to renew her tenancy. Haba! I work hard for my money and I can’t be wasteful. I tried reasoning with her all these while to go back to work. Our plan was that she would start work all over again after putting to bed but she simply told me she could not nurse her child in her office. This office was not in the public market of Tejuosho but at Adekunle where she had everything. I paid premium for it but no, it was not good enough. I have started many businesses for her but nothing seems to work. At the end of the year, I wouldn’t see either the seed capital or the profit. Even if she did not make the profit, she should at least let me see the capital. So I made up my mind. No more after this. I am better investing my money on stocks than wasting it on a bottomless pit business.” He said angrily “What attracted Oyin to me were her creativity and her entrepreneurial skills. When I met her she was so hardworking and serious about her business but that is not the case now. I really don’t know what she does with her time except she runs around like a headless chicken.” He continued bitterly “I don’t have a say when it comes to the children’s welfare. She often takes decisions without consulting me. It doesn’t even matter if I have objections or if I can’t afford her latest brainwave. I feel as if my relationship with the children starts and ends with supplying money. I am like a father Christmas to my own children and I want more than that. I want a relationship with them. If I correct them when they are wrong she flies off the handle, if I play with them she sneers that my language will corrupt the children. With her, I can’t get it right. You won’t believe I feel inferior in my own house. I never seem to know the right thing to do. Sometimes, I am at a total loss at what to do.”

He kept quiet for a while. I looked up to glance at him. All I saw was pain and I felt tightness in my chest. I felt sorry for my friends and I just wished things could be different. I wish they could reach out to each other.

“You know she slapped me.” He said looking lost and sad. “She slapped me in the presence of my friends over an imaginary girlfriend. I don’t even know who tells her all these nonsense. She said she saw a girl in my car. Imagine that!” He laughed bitterly shaking his head. “I am not boasting. I can have any woman I want in this Nigeria and beyond but that’s not the type of life I want. I know what it is to come from a broken home and I don’t want my children to go through it.” He shut his eyes rocking back and forth. I was afraid that he would cry. I wouldn’t know what to do if he did. He kept on rocking back and forth. Suddenly he stopped and stayed motionless for a while. “Toye” I started to say something soothing to him though I was lost for words but I felt it was appropriate to say something palliative like “it is well” or “God knows” but he raised his hands indicating that I should not say anything.

“Ose, I love my wife and I will take her back if she is willing especially because of my children. I don’t want them to suffer."

Even Men Hurt 1-My 'Ariya' Wife

There is something about me that attracts a total stranger to me like the bee to the honey. It could be downright embarrassing, sometimes overwhelming but most times humbling. I am truly honoured by a total stranger pouring out his heart out to me.

I remember some years back, just a young girl on her first job. I had just collected my first salary and I thought it called for celebration. I got home early enough to go out again. So I changed from my office attire and wore something comfortable. I stepped out of the house and stood for a while trying to decide where to go-not that I had too many options in those days. I pondered on if I should walk down to the stores down the road or visit the snacks bar. I was still undecided when a black Golf car stopped in front of my house. There was nothing unusual about it since my house was on a major road; people usually stopped to ask for direction.

The man in the car let down his window and I peeped in to see if he was someone I knew. “Good evening” the stranger greeted

“Good evening” I replied waiting for him to ask for direction.

“Can I offer you a ride to where you are going?” he asked   

“Oh thank you. I am just going down the road” I replied and started walking away. The man got out of his car and followed me.

“I can actually drop you wherever you are going” he said persistently. I ignored him and wondered if there was more to this offer. I hated the idea of the man trying to pick me up and I was increasingly getting angry with his pushiness.

“Actually, I am sorry for harassing you. Let me rephrase, I need to talk to someone” he said sounding very desperate. I turned round sharply to give him a snide remark but what I saw in his eyes stopped me. It was raw with naked pain. This stopped me in my track. I starred at him wondering if it was a plot to “toast” me but the pain in his eyes convinced me that the pain was sincere enough.

“I am really sorry but I need to talk to someone desperately. I left my house in frustration because I don’t want to commit murder.” He said anxiously. I kept quiet wondering why he picked me to talk to. I was still a bit sceptical about his intensions though.  

“I can park my car and we could walk while I talk to you. I am not going to harm you” he said eagerly. I looked at him pondering. Now, I am not a sucker for situations like this but there was something so sincere and hurting about him. Eventually, I reluctantly agreed that we should walk down to the snack bar wondering if I did the right thing. We got to the bar, ordered what we wanted and sat down. The bar was somehow empty that day which was unusual since the place was always active. That was the reason I picked the place.

“I am sure you must wonder why I want to talk to a total stranger but I am going through a tough time at home. I love my wife but she is driving me round the bend and I don’t know what to do about it.” He said “I met my wife in the University but we didn’t start dating until well after graduation. My wife is from a wealthy family and I am from a poor one. I had loved her since University days but I could not bring myself to express my feelings. She belonged to the hip girls on campus and I was just a struggling undergraduate. I did every odd job to see myself through school. I played football. I was on the University team so I was popular. She and her friends used to come around to watch us play but I was scared to approach her. We graduated and went our different ways and I didn’t see her again until the day she walked into the bank where I work. I was excited to see her and believed that God has given me a second chance. I was in a relationship then but I didn’t love the girl. I quickly broke up with her and made an aggressive move towards my wife and luckily enough she agreed. A year later we got married and that had being my undoing” he explained as I kept silent wondering where this was leading to

“It has being one wahala after the other since we got married. She is spoilt and does not know how to take care of the home and the children. All she is ever interested in is partying. Her weekend starts on a Thursday and she and her friends would go from one party to another and then she gets home so late. I have tried talking to her to no avail, I am fed up” he said looking distraught.

I kept quiet since I didn’t know what to say to him. Somehow, I realised that he just wanted to pour out his frustration.

“I got home today and she’s left for one of her parties despite the fact that I banned her from going. I mean she left the children with the housemaid and left me a note that she has gone to a party with her friends at Ilesa. Can you imagine that? I work hard to take care of the family while she is busy gallivanting with her friends. Who knows what they get up to?” He lamented.

I sat there listening to him. I thought of what to say to him but was lost for words. I knew back then that letting off the steam was good for his soul but I thought I could say something intelligent to soothe his pain but I was lost for words.